Antimusical Book of Recipes


A continuation on the quest for a plausible antimusic through a series of brief instructions exploring instrumentation, leaving most other parameters to the performer's choice. All titles come from wordplay on accepted types of music.

All recipes requiere from its eventual producer.s to determine its duration, place, number of people involved, performance and/or recording of it and any other detail.s not included in the instructions

I written antimusic

choose text.s
place contact microphone.s on paper.s
write text.s

choose text.s
mike writing machine.s
write text.s

II dance antimusic

select dance school.s
place contact microphone.s on the floor

choose instrument.s

listen to the recording on headphones
while rigorously trying
to reproduce what is being heard

III old antimusic

hand out instrument.s to old people in asylum.s

IV electronic antimusic

choose electric artifact.s
turn them on and/or off

V negative antimusic

don't do nothing

VI popular antimusic

offer street musician.s
to record him/them in exchange for something

VII orchestral antimusic

select the least attractive day
from the symphonic orchestra's programme
arrive there early and record everything
except the music

VIII lacrimae antimusic

record baby.ies crying
turn speaker.s into cradle.s

IX commercial antimusic

record peddler.s
a (few) beggar.s
a (few) market.s
the city's stock market

X derranged antimusic

hand out instrument.s to patient.s in sanatorium.s

XI antimusical swing

place condenser microphone.s in constant pendular movement

XII shit antimusic

record own or third party.ies defecating
reproduce it in loudspeaker.s in W.C.s
close the toilet's door

XIII TV antimusic

record zapping
trying to join dialogues from successive channels

XIV antimusic of the spheres

procure spherical object.s
make it/them roll over surface.s

XV rock antimusic

choose stone.s

place accelerometer.s in rock.s

XVI antimusical salsa

prepare bechamel, holandaise, mayonnaise sauce.s or other

XVII antimusical bolero

procure (an) argentinian boleadora.s
use as instrument.s

procure shoe shine boy.s from Mexico

XVIII choral antimusic

choose sea coral.s
use as instrument.s

XIX religious antimusic

god's will

XX ambient antimusic


XXI disco antimusic

select record.s, brake disc.s, plate.s or other round and flat object.s
use as instrument.s

XXII digital antimusic

place contact microphone.s on adhesive tape.s
stamp fingerprint.s

XXIII subliminal antimusic

transpose whatever music.s below or over the audible spectrum

XXIV children antimusic

mike kindergarten.s

XXV live antimusic

record whoever.s first and/or last minute.s of life

XXVI tropical antimusic

record dense place.s near the Equator

XXVII antimusical ballad

record ram.s, lamb.s, sheep, goat.s and/or deer

XXVIII antimusic flamenco

record pink bird.s with long neck.s and legs and curved beak.s

XXIX merengue antimusic

whisk egg white.s
add a drop of lemon, a pinch of salt and sugar at will

XXX romantic antimusic

record audio from porn film.s